I feel so alone. But I do have a place to call home. Without my family,my friends, my hope, I wouldn’t have anything to be happy about..But there aren’t many things to be happy about any more. It’s not that life is good enough, It’s that I feel odd in my own skin. As if I cannot make anyone happy anymore. I do make people happy, but I upset them more. My feelings aren’t as they used to be, yes I have been depressed before, but this time, it’s different. I feel like if I cannot make myself happy, then how can I make other people happy? I’m not trying to wine on here, or try to make someone have sympathy for me, I just wanted to release some feelings that have been bottled up for a very very long time. At this very moment I can’t talk to anyone about this, everyone is busy, asleep, or doing something that is important for them to live there life. I’m sure no one will read this, If someone does then it will mean alot.
Life hasn’t ended for me, nor shall I make it end, but I know I am not living it to the fullest. I’m a junior, I don’t have a car, and I don’t have money to do certain things that I as a person would like to do. Money does not make happiness, but instead of staying at home all the time,not talking to anyone besides my family, and one person I text, I would like to get out, experience what it’s like to be a teenager in our time and age. I play guitar, I write music, I scream, play piano, yet none of it gives me joy anymore. Why? Why don’t the things that used to bring me joy, bring me joy anymore? What can I do to make myself, and others happy? I believe in God, and I pray, and he does answer me, in ways that I don’t expect yet he does. Am I being selfish for not finding happiness in the things that I do have? The people I do have? I know that other people have such worse lives then I do. At least I still have my mother and father, but it isn’t about how bad the problems are…it’s about how you as a person deal with them. What can I say? I’m just trying to vent..